Thursday, May 7, 2009

What A Mess

"You should kick him in the balls."-Chuck Barkley

The chances of Stu Jackson taking it easy on Rafer Alston is about as likely as Ron Jeremy practicing sexual abstinence during the mid-eighties.

What a night. Blood feuds, constant intensity, playoff basketball in the wildest yet most appreciative form. The intensity levels were jacked the fuck up tonight.

We were all witnesses.

First, Alston loses his composure in the Celtics-Magic washout. After Celts guard Eddie House stuck a trey, padding the C's bloated bulge, Alston struck him with an open fist slap.

A former New York legend who stamped his imprint on the Rucker Park streetball scene, Alston will likely face a 1-2 game suspension.

"He should get two fucking games man," said El Miz, a devout Hoophead.

El Miz referenced events of the past and made a significant argument.

"If Amare is going to get a game for stepping off the bench...And Dwight gets one for swinging and missing...Even though it's just a slap it is still bush league."

Reggie Miller also feels Stu Jackson should put his foot down on Alston.

"If you don't do something about it, then everyone is going to go around slapping people in the head."

You really hit the nail on the head, Reggie! Learn the difference between garner and garnish before you run your mouth, toothpick.

The Celtics, who suffered a weary loss in Game 1, counterpunched by pasting Orlando with a 112-94 thrashing.

The Lakeshow/Houston game wasn't short of fireworks and theatrics, either.

Stu Jackson was present in LA, but it didn't stop the beef from cooking and the fracas' from emerging.

Shit, I can't describe it. Just about everyone got into the act.

Even Luis Scola and Sasha Vujacic were going at it. A quick verbal boxing match ensued between them after Scola and Lamar Odom exchanged words.

What the hell were they getting in each other's grills about, who's got more Armani Exchange? Who drenches themself in more cologne before drinking red bull and driving a fast car?

Who can chief more cigarettes while touring the New York City landmarks?

It was like hockey out there tonight.

Kobe, who obliterated the Rockets to the tune of 40-something points, was slapped with a T for being too dominant.

I guess carving up Houston and cooking Shane Battier to the recipe of bucket after bucket was like throwing a lit match into a can of gasoline.

After bagging a jumper over Battier's overstretched arms, Kobe shouted "you can't guard me!" at the clean-cut Duke product.

So, for using the same language that your workaday 12-year-old uses on the court, Kobe was issued his warning.

Has the whole world gone crazy?

Since when does stating the truth warrant a technical foul?

The refs are apparently looking at every cat on the floor as if he's Rasheed Wallace himself.

Luis Scola is an exact replica of "Antwan" the muscle-bound jiggalo from the film "Duece Bigalow."