Thursday, June 26, 2008

NBA Draft 2008: The Year of The Freshmen

“When you think of me you think of a problem, who what when and how you gone solve ‘em, automatic or revolver’-Jada

“When you think of us you think of us you think of a quagmire, two fat hogs that can’t adjust to the new go-go system, Dan-the-man was a fag hire/Steph just instigates beef with every coach, Nate is hellbent on getting buckets at a pace that’s more frantic than a little roach/z-money is perfect for the street scene and not a 7 seconds or less potent O/Balkman can thrive in this organization when he’s not smoking dro/D. Lee hustles with reckless fire and a model is his dope significant other/Lawrence Funderburke, quite an auspicious name for A BROTHER!”-Walt Frazier.

It’s that time of year again. All you nerdy cats that sit on your computers crunching statistics, chatting about guys half your age on cell phones, arguing about limitless potential, designing strengths and weakness boards that you hang in your apartments and examine with a hawk-like gaze everyday and pretty much all you clowns that spend hours and hours on fantasy sports (see Schneider, Josh) while weighing in useless factors that might dictate a player’s new hardwood home, welcome back. We warmly welcome you back to the big stage. Madison Square Garden, the Mecca of basketball where legends are architected year-by-year and the hoop centerfold of the big city of dreams where college and NBA ringers love to play. Tonight is what we’ve widely been anticipating, as a surplus of young guns who took the college world by attack this year will be instantly vaulted into the plush, comfy confines of pools of bread.
BE-Easy, the Cha-town born-and-bred kid, and company are looking at more bread than panera. More chicken than popeyes. More green than Vermont. More dough than Pizza Hut. More cake than carvel. You get the message. The most thrilling aspect, however, is the highly-anticipating question, who will get bagged by the Chicago Bulls, the team which—through a myriad of loose balls (no homo) and the luck of the irish—were granted the first pick of the 2008 draft.
The biggest question? How will the Knicks manage not fuck up this year and flush a green mansion out in Oyster Bay down the toilet with a scatterbrained pick or trade. Zeke is out, so some momentum is rolling in our direction. Still, the chances of us not making a muscle-head, jabroni of a decision is about as likely as Peter North and Jenna Jameson practicing sexual abstinence.
Here’s a look at what could be on the horizon for the Bockers basketball future:

Russel Westbrook, So., UCLA: He’s a freakish athlete, a jumping-jack combination guard with a head-turning killer crossover and the ability to score in clusters. At just 6-3, however, there’s not much room for him to make some noise. We tried the three-guard rotation in previous years, and it was about as successful as the Lopez brother’s class attendance rate. Stevie Franchise morphed into a tweener who missed beats-and-bounds from his days as a young face of the NBA ( and the Knicks matched Jenaveve Jolie in sucking pace.
Still, Westbrook’s ability to run the driving lanes, handle the rock and quick-launch jumpers might be enough to sell Mr. Walsh and company on the kid from UCLA. Westbrook, however, will have to grapple for minutes with the crowded backcourt that includes Steph, Crawford, The Great, and Freddie Jones.
Anthony Randolph, Fr, LSU: With it being the year of the freshman and all, Randolph slipped below everyone’s radar for much of his freshman campaign. The lanky, long-limbered (pause) Lamar Odom/Tayshaun Prince hybrid from Arkansas could make an instant impact in D’antoni’s high-octane system. He scores easily around the cup and has a nice developing mid-range game. He hits the boards and he straps, too, something that is pretty much unheard of in the city of porous defense these days. Still, at 6-10 and just a buck 97, Randolph needs to get hooked on some weight gainers and get tougher on both the physical and mental side. He would have a tough time getting burn over the other Randolph on the roster and isn’t likely to dip as low as no.6. He’s labeled a high-risk but a high-reward and the Knicks can’t hurt with a 6-foot-10 cat that can handle the rock like Van Exel and create offense.

Danilo Gallinari, 20, Italy: DG definitely has a nice basketball royalty and the 6-9 tree from Italy is known for his patented out of this area code-range and his knack for getting buckets. He has a good feel for the game and could get players involved while also being counted on to score crucaial buckets. His lack of an NBA-body has been called into question as he might need to pack some pounds on his spindly 220-frame if he wants to be able to utilize something more than his deep treyballs in the EL.

Smizz’s Top Ten
Chicago-Derrick Rose, Fr., Memphis
Miami- Michael Beasley, Fr. Kansas State
Minnesota- O.J. Mayo, Fr. USC
Seattle- Jerryd Bayless, Fr. Arizona
Memphis-Russell Westbrook, So, UCLA
New York-Danilo Gallinari, 1988, Italy
L.A. Clippers-Eric Gordon, Fr. Indiana
Milwaukee-Kevin Love, Fr. UCLA
Charlotte-Anthony Randolph, Fr., LSU
New Jersey-Joe Alexander, Jr., West Virginia